I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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