I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
