i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
