I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just puked most of my soul out..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
