You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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