Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wish they made helmets for livers.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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