I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
