my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
