He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
