its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
