Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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