i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
