all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize