I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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