It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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