Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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