Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
