If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
