Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
