Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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