after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
