and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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