There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
