Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
