Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
