I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
