so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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