Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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