dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
