I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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