Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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