I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
