His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
