Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
