I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
