Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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