I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Redeem this text for a blowjob
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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