A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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