cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
