trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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