He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
is it fun? or sober?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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