I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
