he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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