i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
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you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
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I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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