ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
