onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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