That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
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