I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
