she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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