They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
