my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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