checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
