Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
