We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
