i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
