you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
