I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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