just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
