i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
