Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
